Erica has been away from home studying at Kentucky Mountain Bible College for 3 months now. She is doing well. We had raised her for 19 years in a way that would prepare her to be able to impact her world for Christ. She is now receiving further training toward that goal.
Some of the more "worldly" students there have offered Erica some good-natured criticism about having been too "sheltered" in her up-bringing. This could be taken as a criticism toward her Mom and myself. I know that the criticism is totally unfounded and only offered in ignorance. It is, however, a common comment directed toward
homeschoolers in general and especially toward homeschooling families who take a stand on Holy living and Biblical principles.
Johnathan
Lindvall addressed this issue in an excellent article back in 1995. I'm not sure exactly when I came across it, but it was early in my parenting experience. (Erica turned 4 in 1995. We finally began homeschooling when she was 8) It exemplified much of what I already believed in and reinforced my convictions. I may not be 100% on board with everything
Lindvall writes, but from time to time I find it encouraging to look back at that article, and be reminded that Lisa and I have been rearing our family in a way that is pleasing to God.
In the rest of this post, I would like to quote major sections of it that especially speaks to me. The entire 2 part article is excellent and can currently be found
here for part 1 and
here for part 2. The
bold type face in the parts that I'm quoting here are added by me, to emphasize some of the statements I shout
Amen to, even though I
Amen it all:
"One of the most threatening accusations Christian
homeschool parents face is the charge of being over-protective. Somehow the society is suspicious of those who do not want their children exposed to all the seemingly harmless experiences the world considers necessary for proper & healthy childhood maturation. As the insinuations become increasingly strident the terminology becomes more shrill. Ultimately, if we are not responsive to the more subtle slurs hinting that we should release our children from our own oversight, we are indicted for the worst crime parents can commit: SHELTERING them!
Before we deal with the issue of sheltering directly let's deal with our tendency to be driven by "the fear of man" (Prov. 29:25). Virtually every
homeschool parent will easily identify the most frequently asked question about their homeschooling as, "What about socialization?" When people ask this question, what are they wondering about? Are they worried that our children will not be capable of displaying lifelong
servanthood for the glory of God? Generally not. They are shocked that we are not intimidated at the thought of our children being different from everyone else.
Actually, what these examiners want to know is whether or not our children are learning to fit in with their peers. At first glance this seems a healthy consideration. But what does the Bible call it when God's people "fit in" with their environment. Paul addressed this directly when he said (Rom. 12:1-2), "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
Our efforts to "fit in" are nothing less than a fearful surrender to the very conformity Scripture challenges us to avoid. Such conformity mitigates against being the "living sacrifices" Paul emphasized as being "holy." Too often modern Christians seem intimidated by the world. We don't want to be noticed as out of sync with the culture--we want desperately to "fit in." We try to be camouflaged Christians. Our conformity is not motivated from servants' hearts but from cowardice. Paul wrote (Rom. 1:16), "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes." But we are so timid of seeming different that we shrink from the accusations of not being socialized. Well, who wants to be socialists anyway?
Socialism is the attempt to equalize everyone--make everyone alike. But God didn't make us alike. He made each of us, including our children, to be unique.
And we are not to minimize, but maximize our distinctives for the glory of God. We are not to try to mask our uniqueness beneath a facade of timid conformity. We are to SHINE! Jesus said (Mat 5:16), "Let your light so
shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."
What did Paul mean when he described our non-conformity as "holy?" The word holy literally means set apart, separated, consecrated. God desires for His people to be different from all other people. Like Paul, Peter contrasted God's mandate to holiness with conformity (1 Pet. 1:14-16). We cannot be holy and conformed at the same time. God is calling us to be holy non-conformists. Peter went further, describing us (1 Pet 2:9) as "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that you may show forth the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."
Are we willing to be "peculiar?" Some more recent Bible translations soften the starkness of this passage by calling Christians God's "special people." Now that does sound a bit kinder and gentler than "peculiar." But what does "special" mean? It is impossible to be regular and special at the same time. "Special" means different, unique, distinct, even peculiar.
One of the most remarkable examples of those identified as holy were those who took the vow of a
Nazirite. In Numbers 6:8 God summarizes the intent of the specific
Nazirite regulations by saying, "All the days of his separation he shall be holy to the LORD." During the period of a
Nazirite's vow he was to be different from everyone else. He was supposed to look different--he could not cut his hair. He was even supposed to have a different diet--he could consume nothing from a grapevine. His whole lifestyle was supposed to be out of sync with the rest of society. The Lord actually intended for these
Nazirites to be holy eccentrics living among the rest of the people. He called this being holy! And now He calls us all to be peculiar people.
This applies not only to us, but to our children. In 1 Corinthians 7:14 Paul makes it clear God wants our children to be "holy." The world wants them to "fit in" and become socialized. God wants them to stick out--to "shine" before men. Many sincere Christians who oppose homeschooling argue that our children must be "salt" and "light" in the world. They are right! But they are wrong in that they believe the way to be "salt" and "light" is to mingle with the world. In fact, the opposite is true. Salt loses its savor through leaching, through dissipation. Light is dimmed by proximity to shadow-producing obstacles.
One of the best examples of this holy peculiarity was the
Nazirite, John the Baptist. He dressed peculiarly, ate peculiarly, talked peculiarly--his whole lifestyle was eccentric. Was John the Baptist well socialized? Absolutely not! He was apparently raised in isolation as an only child. He lived out in the wilderness, away from civilization. But was he "salt?" Yes! He polarized the nation with his
stingingly salty message! Was he a "light?" John the apostle wrote (John 1:8), "He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light." Jesus said (Matt. 11:11) "among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist."
Yes, John the Baptist was a light for God in the world. But how? By being so totally separate from the world that they were attracted to him like moths. I pray that my children will be socialized like John.
While I certainly train them to exhibit social graces to enhance their current and future servanthood, I want them to fearlessly confront the world with a gospel they not only articulate, but LIVE BOLDLY!
"'Come out from among them and be separate,' says the Lord. 'Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.'" (2 Cor. 6:17) What does this mean? And how should it apply to the way we raise our children? Apparently God's design for us and our children to maintain the purity of holiness is for us and them to understand and apply the principle of separation from the world. But how separate should we be?
Another of the accusations leveled against Christian homeschooling parents is that we are raising naive children. We are charged with not letting them see the real world. (By the way, the institutional school setting is NOT the real world. It is an artificial environment in which students only mingle with a narrow band of individuals their own age. In the real world there is a wide diversity of people.) But there is a deeper issue being raised here that must be addressed.
What does the world mean by the term "naive?" What is the alternative? What the world thinks is normal is for young people to develop into savvy, cool, disrespectful, street-wise rebels. This is a perversion of God's ideal. In fact, what the world labels "naive" the Bible calls "pure." Jesus said (Matt. 5:8), "Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God." In other words, if we have pure hearts our attention will always gravitate to what God is doing. Paul wrote (Titus 1:15), "To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled."
I suppose we have all had to deal, at one time or another, with someone whose mind was so defiled that they seemed intent on turning everything into dirty jokes. No matter how cautious we are around such warped thinkers they can pervert our words and actions into conformity to their own defiled minds. On the contrary there are others who can be told dirty jokes and they honestly don't understand the twisted humor. Which kind would God have us and our children be? But which kind will be accused, by the world, of being "naive?"
God calls us to raise children who are "holy." They are to be different from the world, but their peculiarity is to be marked by "purity," not just being bizarre. Such holiness is not based on human efforts to follow man-made codes of moral conduct, although outward indications of holiness will certainly be evident. The real issue is in our children's hearts. Paul wrote (Gal. 5:17), "For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh."
Paul was writing to Christians. We must recognize that it is not enough for our children to be born again. Holiness is the result of sanctification. One aspect of cooperating with the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work is that we must purpose to "make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Rom 13:14). What does it mean to not make "provision for the flesh?" There is a war ongoing between the flesh and the Spirit within each of us and within each of our children. Which side of the conflict do we send "provisions" to?
Jesus taught us to pray to our Heavenly Father (Luke 11:2-4), "Our Father... do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." Why should we seek to be spared "temptation?" Some of us are confident of our ability to resist temptation, so we actually welcome the conflict. But Paul directed Timothy not to engage temptation in a fight, but to flee--"Flee also youthful lusts" (2 Tim 2:22). It is not enough to commit ourselves to abstain from sin, we must even avoid the temptation, making "no provision for the flesh." We can easily see the fault in a drunkard who has been delivered from alcohol still hanging out in front of a saloon. But do we fall into the same trap in less obvious ways? Or do we make provision for our children's flesh through such things as their playmates, toys, reading material, music, television, and so forth? ....
And who said "sheltering" was bad? I challenge anyone to find a single instance in scripture where the term "shelter" is used negatively. Sheltering is never portrayed as something bad. It is always seen as good. For example, Joel 3:16 tells us, "the LORD will be a shelter for His people." The Psalmist glories in God's shelter, saying (
Ps. 61:3-4), "For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings." In Psalm 83:3 the word is used as a term of endearment as we are called God's "sheltered ones."
What kinds of dangers threaten our children? It is quite acceptable, in our society, for a parent to protect children from physical dangers. But are there spiritual hazards that are more threatening than mere bodily harm? Jesus said (Matt. 10:28), "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." As Christians we recognize that spiritual and emotional threats are more significant than mere physical perils.
Imagine the foolish parent who during a violent thunderstorm would tell his children, "I don't want anybody to be able to say I sheltered you. You need to go and stand in the front yard."
I can imagine the children protesting, "But dad, it's wet out there. I'll get drenched! I could catch pneumonia! And I could get struck by lightning and die! Please! Let me come in the house?"
Picture the foolish parent insisting, "No. You have to face the real world someday. I'm not going to be over-protective. No Sheltering Here!"
STOP! Bring them in!
Sheltering isn't bad. It is good! Only a negligent parent would allow a child to face overwhelming dangers when it was in his power to protect him. Admittedly their are dangers that are beyond our control. But what of those within our jurisdiction?
Many of us are fearful of accusations of "over-protection." Certainly there is a time to release to our children the responsibility for their own influences. But such gradual releasing should be on the basis of demonstrated faithfulness in handling slightly smaller responsibilities. It is negligence to impose upon children responsibilities we have a reasonable doubt they can handle. ......
One day each father and mother will be called to give an account of their parenting. We will not be held accountable for our children's decisions, but for the influences we allowed to shape those decisions. Imagine your children appearing before you at the judgment and God saying, "Here is how your children turned out. Why did you let them go to the places they went, see the things they saw, hear the things they heard, and do the things they did?"
What types of excuses do you suppose will be acceptable in that moment? "But Lord, everybody else was doing those same things."
What do you imagine the Lord will say? Something like, "I didn't give your children to everyone else. I gave them to YOU!"
We might protest, "But I didn't know they would experience that influence when I allowed them to experience that activity."
I imagine the Lord will respond, "It was your job to know. I entrusted these invaluable treasures into your hand and you just let whatever influence happened to float by to shape them." ........
The first influence I believe God has called us to question is the influence of peers. There is a notion in our culture that children are good for children. The most frequently asked question about homeschooling is, "But what about socialization?" We assume that in order to learn to get along with others children must spend a fair amount of time with those their own age.
Is this idea scriptural? Does the Bible anywhere warn parents to provide adequate social interaction for their children? No! In fact all the warnings I am aware of focus on the opposite danger. Paul warned about friendships saying (1 Cor. 15:33), "Do not be deceived: `Evil company corrupts good habits.'" This statement is very emphatic. It is not that carnal friendships "might" be a bad. There is no "maybe" or "possibly" here.
Ungodly companionships are inevitably a bad influence in all cases. .......
Solomon warned his son (Prov 13:20), "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed." How can you tell if your children are experiencing companionship with fools? Fools are those who are foolish! The Bible tells us where we are most likely to find foolishness. Proverbs 22:15 states, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child." The intent of the passage is declared in the next line, "The rod of correction will drive it far from him" but this verse definitely tells us an inevitable locus of foolishness-- children. Is it possible God intended for children to be nurtured by adults rather than by peers?
The primary reason I am homeschooling my children is not that I think I can provide a superior academic experience for them (although I suspect I can). The most significant motivation is what I am protecting them from--companionship with fools! Some might call this harsh and reactionary, but
I am convinced God has called me to take seriously my role as PROTECTOR of my family. Not only do I need a good offense to win, but a good defense is also imperative. ...
Another issue we have had to deal with is that of modesty. It would be ludicrous for me to endeavor to impose my standards of modesty on other families. But it is also ludicrous to allow our children and their peers to set our families' standards of modesty. Your children will acquire a taste for certain styles and exposures. Begin when they are small. If there is something you don't want your daughter to wear when she is fifteen years old, don't allow her to dress that way when she is five.
The purpose for clothing is not primarily to protect us from the elements. It is modesty! When Adam & Eve sinned their first impulse was to cover themselves. It didn't suddenly get cold. When God rejected their fig leaves, I suspect it was at least partly because He wanted more sturdy and modest garments. ...
A final issue is the television. TV is an incredibly powerful tool and can undoubtedly be used for good. In most of our cases, however, it opens the door to temptations that we don't fully resist. I tried for years to control the monster. I would make strict rules governing its use, but I was invariably the first one to break the rules. Jesus said, concerning offending members, that we should "pluck it out" (Matt. 5:29-30; 18:8-9). I knew I should get rid of the television, but I just couldn't. I was addicted!
The Psalmist claimed (
Ps. 101:3), "I will set nothing wicked before my eyes." I not only set wicked things before my own eyes, I set wicked things before my children's eyes. "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" (Matt. 18:6-7) Woe is me! I am the man who would be better to have a millstone hung around my neck!
Paul makes it clear (1 Cor. 6:12) that "all things are legal for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." There is no rule that says, "Television is a sin!" But if you (or your children) are "brought under its power" it is "not helpful." If you are even slightly addicted like I was, perhaps God calls you to be delivered from television's grip by simply "plucking it out."
In focusing on the things God has directed us to "pluck out" of our children's experience it is possible to lose sight of the positive, pro-active things we replace these with. It is possible to so emphasis the defensive strategies that we lose sight of the offense.
Our children do not feel stifled or neglected. They are unusually joyful, delighted children. From their earliest ages we persuade them that surrendering to God's design produces a far superior lifestyle than the vanity of pursuing the world's emptiness. We replace the corrupting influences with an excitement cultivating hearts after God's heart.
Still the pre-requisite to any offensive strategies is a good defense. My challenge to Christian parents is to
DARE TO SHELTER their children. We are to "lead them not into temptation but deliver them from evil" (Luke 11:4) by protecting them from temptations they have not proven an ability and commitment to reject. We will be held accountable for every influence we allow to cause them to stumble. God, give us Your courage and grace. "
We will continue to "shelter" the rest of our children here at Pure Water Hollow Homestead with the Lord's help! Erica is our first to begin venturing out on her own and leaving the safety of our protective "nest". I know she is prepared to live a Holy life amidst the ungodly generation of our time and serve Him with boldness! Only time (and eternity) will tell exactly the impact her life is having on a lost world. To God be the glory!
